Yes, I speaks da Engplish.

Most days I’m greeted by a neighborhood alcoholic who thinks he speaks English fluently: “And da Mozambique is good and da paz is nice, yes?” Translation: “Do you like Mozambique? It is good that we are at peace, yes?” It took me two months to figure that out-- usually amongst four or five onlookers utterly amused by him continuing to yell the same question at me (rather than repeat at a normal decibel) when I stood staring blankly at him. Note: If you are trying to communicate with another person who does not comprehend the words you are using, speaking louder does not make the person understand any better.

Language has been on my mind lately because about 100 people in my neighborhood have asked me to give English lessons. I’m not sure why people who want to learn a language think because another person speaks the desired language that said requester wants to learn---that it means that the speaker actually wants to teach that language or even has the ability to be a good language teacher. But here in Mozambique, as long as you can speak the most basic of English phrases you are considered a good candidate to teach it. So I’ve been thinking about giving an English course and because I’m três Americana I want to be a super duper awesome English teacher. Therefore I’m working hard at trying to translate accurately the nuances that come with language as well as the everyday slang that becomes part of our daily lingo. As I struggle to make adequate translations and actually remember how English grammar works, I realize how differently English is spoken around the world.

I grew up in a Caribbean household and English was spoken in a sing songy accent by our parents and grandparents. When we got our mother upset she would break into her patois to let us know how angry/frustrated she was. She was also quite politically incorrect. For example, if she were driving and someone almost hit her she probably would exclaim: “Oh lawd!! Yuh see how dat fat chiny almost kill muh!” Because of my travels I now know that such incorrectness is not unique to her or her culture. English in developing nations is truly a very politically incorrect spoken language. In 2009 I visited Greater Zimbabwe, a historical site that has beautiful archaeological artifacts preserved in a museum on top of a very large and somewhat steep almost mountain. When I made it to the top, I bent over and put my hands on my knees in order to catch my breath. Everyone got up there before me and the Zimbabwean tour guide says calmly to me: “Yes Aishia. You had difficulty reaching the top. It is because YOU.ARE. FAT.” If you don’t already know, Zimbabweans speak PERFECT English. Almost textbook English. And so he enunciated every bloody symbol in each word, particularly the part about me being fat. My travel companion said it looked like I was going to give the guide a swift kick in the butt.

In other parts of Africa, with the inundation of rap music and hip hop culture into the popular culture on the continent, black American slang has been adopted and sometimes has taken on new meaning. My particular sore spot is the use of niggah. I was sitting in my office in Malawi, and one of the younger national officers came and sat down in a chair, pitched out his legs in front of him and slung one arm over the back of the chair and asked “So. Why do niggahs always wear their pants like that, slouched down below their buttOCKS?” “Umm. Excuse me? The who?” “You know. The niggahs?” “Do you mean the African-Americans you see in rap videos?” “Yeah, you know, niggahs.” “Umm, you know niggah is not another word for black American right?” Blank stare. Then a confused looking around as he tries to sort out how to respond. Then another blank stare. “Ok. I can’t deal with this today. Black American rappers wear their pants like that because….”

There are even stores and minibuses in Malawi and Mozambique named “My Niggah,” “NIGGAHS Store,” or just simply “NIGGAHS.” Of course, I laugh each time I see it, but another part of me feels uncomfortable, as the word is used freely in front of white people—which most of the time people check me off as white. I don’t want some white person to get it in their head that is all good to let that word pass their lips. But then again, it probably is already happening. Once I was sitting on a DC metro bus heading out of my predominantly black neighborhood and when I couldn’t take the “niggah dis and niggah dat” anymore, I turned around to reprimand my young black brothers and sisters. But they weren’t black. They were all El Salvadoran. ‘Nuff said.

The word niggah has even infiltrated the Portuguese speaking world of Mozambique --“Ola, My Man Niggah,”--as well as other English words that are either spelled phonetically to be Portuguese-like but still English, or are completely assimilated into the language and an –ar is just added to make it a Portuguese infinitive. It took me 2 months to figure out that jobar e.g. “Vou a jobar” means “I’m going to work. I’m going to my job.” I was always asking folks, “You going to do what?!?” “Jobar.” “What?” “Jobar.” “Ok. Have fun. Ciao.” But I was still clueless as to where that person was going or what s/he was doing—until B said it himself and I asked him to explain. “Yeah babes. It is English, your language.” Oh. Of course. Another fav here is “Ele gosta a showofar,” meaning that someone is showing off. A tekaway restaurant is one that offers food for Take Away while a kiosk is spelled quiosque. While most people here don’t even say “Estou bem” to mean “I’m fine” anymore, they say “Estou nice,” or “estou full” to mean that they feel full from their meal. I’ve encountered Spanglish in Costa Rica and of course in NYC. But both places where they have occurred---there has been a large English speaking population—so in NYC it is obvious how English gets inserted into Spanish e.g. market + a = marketa to make it Spanish-fied. In Costa Rica Spanglish was spoken in the area where Jamaican migrants settled to work on the banana plantations, and where I first heard “Estoy full,” or “I’m full.”

The only reasons I can think of the infusion of English into the Portuguese language here are first, there are more Mozambicans in Johannesburg than actual South Africans ----so when they come back home, they bring the English they have learned abroad and begin inserting it into everyday Portuguese. Another reason is the invasion of American culture in terms of music and films that often don’t have translations so people pick up words and often invent their own meanings. So niggah here probably means a tough guy or a really cool dude with people clueless to the original meaning and the transformation it has gone through in the African American community. When I try to explain to Africans this transformation and why it offends me that they use it so freely they usually give me a look which could only be translated as “Who dis white bitch anyWAY?”

People also probably do not realize that fuck is a bad word---as they also use it quite freely---as most American films also use it freely. The other reason English is finding its way into everyday language here is economic—the good jobs are those given by English speaking employers: Haliburton, Vale, tourist companies and the plethora of development workers who need domestic help and pay more than their Mozambican counterparts. People begin to learn the basics of English and start using it at home by inserting it into their conversations. People are always trying to showofar their English with me in what they think is a subtle way but is so obvious and wrong that I sometimes have to control myself from laughing. Once when I got on a very crowded bus, a guy took one look at me and very loudly started stating “I am talking Portuguese. I am talking French. I am talking English. I am talking all da languages too nice.” Yes, my friend if you actually said “I can speak English” then maybe, but no cigar this time amigo.

I can’t let it go on—so I hope I can start giving lessons next month. My first cultural lesson will be the many contributions that black, brown and yellow people have made to the American fabric of life—with an emphasis on explanations of Black American exportations found in rap music and hip hop culture. Of course, I know that in the mind of at least one student he will be like “Dang. This whitey sure like niggahs.” Sigh. Keep Calm and Carry On.